You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
