We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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