I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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