FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
