I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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