i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
