dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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