Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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