sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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