i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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