u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
