Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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