just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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