you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
