I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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