Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
