If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
