Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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