glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
