Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
