But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
