Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize