i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
