What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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