Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
