I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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