So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
