giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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