Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
