i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
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My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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