genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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