That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
