she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want to make out with him forever
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
