I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
