Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
