uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
