apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
