I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
