I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He has the fingertips of a God
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
