dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
