well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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