Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
