the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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