I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
