I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
