Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
