some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
