Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
