i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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