yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
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Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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