Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
