yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
