i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The feeling are messing with the penis
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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