I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
