I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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