I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
