And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
