I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
