Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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