there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
