Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
