just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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