She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
