the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
