its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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