Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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