I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize