She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
false alarm. still invincible.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
