One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
